AN OPEN LETTER TO THE LITTLE BOY I HAVE NOT HELD IN MY ARMS YET…
Here I lay, trying to collect my thoughts of things I would like to say to you, at 6:30 in the morning when I should still be getting my last hour of sleep before I have to get up to go to your appointment because I am thirty-nine weeks and four days along and you still have not made your appearance yet.
I am so anxious to meet you.
I have carried you these last nine months with so much love in my heart. Love so strong I never knew I could feel for a tiny person who I have not even met yet.
Words cannot say how thankful your father and I are for you, and how much you have changed our lives already.
The moment I found out about you, I cried. I cried from overwhelming joy. I knew you would be special and you have had my heart from day one.
Your father and I waited till I was ten weeks along to go to our first appointment for you, but you were so tiny we could not see you or even hear your heart beat yet, but we could see your tiny heart faintly beating on the screen.
The second appointment at twelve weeks was WAY more exciting. It was the first time we saw you. You were tiny. But you were so visible.
You bounced and danced all over the screen for us, putting on the sweetest show and that was when it really hit us. I had no bump yet, but you were there. And moving around like crazy.
God blessed us and you were alive and growing fast.
Hearing your heart beat is a sound I have found so comforting during this time.
Feeling your kicks has been the most wonderful feeling.
You already have such a personality built up. I love when you kick because I quit rubbing my belly or when it gets quiet in the house for bedtime. It is like you are checking on me, making sure we are still here.
I also love when I am leaning up against your father and you just start kicking like crazy at him, just like you know it is him. If either one of us places our hands on my belly, you move for us, kicking exactly on our hands. But I also enjoy how you freeze up when other people place their hands on my belly and try to feel your kicks, like you just know it is not mommy or daddy.
Your small kicks have turned to giant kicks throughout these last few months. I realized this entire time I have been praying for a healthy, strong baby, and strong you are. I will be riding in the car just looking up and out of the corner of my eye I will see you stretch out and my stomach falls flat in the middle and the sides go WAY far out.
You are using every bit of a space that you have, it makes me assume you are going to be a BIG baby.
I can always find where your little booty is because you stick it so far out the front of my belly, ALWAYS, and over half the time you have a knee or heel sticking visibly out to either the side of my stomach or right under my rib cage.
Although bruised ribs are not the most comfortable feeling in the world, I would not change them for anything. I know you are only using every bit of room you have.
I pray for you constantly.
I pray for your health and strength.
I pray for what you will be like as a little boy and I also pray for how you will act one day as a man.
I pray you will be kind, caring, compassionate…
I pray that if you see a person fall you help pick them back up, or if you see a person getting picked on you stand up for them.
I pray you use your words for good and encouragement, because words can hurt.
I pray you live your life ultimately remembering every day who you represent, and that is God.
I pray you show His love to every friend you know and every stranger you meet.
Again, I pray for a lot of things, but right now I pray you will just be my sweet baby boy and that I will be present and not miss a moment of you growing up.
Thinking about you even walking overwhelms me because I am not ready for you to grow up that fast. But I know one day I will blink and you will be running outside, probably chasing our cats with the dog.
I am just so ready to hold you in my arms.
I have you pictured as this tiny little boy, but as each day goes by and you still have not arrived, I start accepting the fact that you may not ever even fit into all the newborn clothes we have for you.
The midwives predicted you were about seven to eight pounds three weeks ago, so honestly I am terrified to ask what their guess is on your size now because it is probably HUGE.
But as long as your growing, I am thankful.
I pray that you make your appearance any day now and honestly that you do not wait another two weeks.
I was very hopeful you were going to come early, especially when I started having a few consecutive contractions. But then they fell to a stop and you have remained just chilling – well really staying warm – on the inside.
Now I am very hopeful that at least you may actually make it in time for your due date on the first of February because their is a full moon the night before. Not sure how exactly that sends so many women into labor, but I have heard that it does so I will hold onto that and remain hopeful.
I have tried every old tale of how to send yourself into labor, but have gotten nowhere every time. Eventually I had to come to the realization that God still has not let you come yet because it is not time yet.
This is one of those situations where you have to learn patience and trust, because there is nothing you can do to make you get here any faster.
You will be born when God says it is time for you to be born, and I will be so thankful.
I hold onto the fact that I will get to hold you in my arms soon, and that thought keeps me going.
I pray that God will mold me into the best mother for you, and your father the best father.
I pray that we will guide you and teach you in all the right ways.
I also pray that when you grow up, we will be your best friends; the people that you will want to come visit on your off days from work, the people you will just want to hang out with.
I want you to know you are so loved. Everything we do from here on out is because we love you.
And oh how we will fight so hard to keep you safe from all harm and healthy from all sickness, but still we know ultimately God is in control and we trust Him.
We love you.
We pray we will get to see your little face and hold your little body in our arms soon.
With so much love,
your mom and dad
“children are a gift from the Lord…” Psalm 127:3